🎈🌹Happy Existence Mommy🌹🎈by, Maxwanette A Poetess

🖌📜Dedicated To My #1 Jamaican Poetess📜🖌

Love You Mommy

🏆❤️Hyacinth W. aka Lia MeMe❤️🏆

#PoetryIsInMyDNA

https://youtu.be/32ZI1yWUdNc

“I LOVE YOU MOMMA!”

As time goes on you come to mind. I can’t help but feel I’ve been left behind.

The days turn to nights and then into weeks. I realize I will never again hear you speak.

To feel the warmth of your misshapen breasts, How I long for your motherly caress.

Limited we were by ignorance, pain,

confusion and time,

as I recall the most difficult of times.

SUHWEET1

I recall the good, the bad, pains, and times so sad…

Being a Single Mother, trying your hardest, when things went bad.

But you had a flare, a special kind of style.

Oh, Momma,

I miss your laughs

&

your smiles.

I never wanted to see this day, when you’re no longer here to celebrate, your earthly existence on September 8th.

Taken away from me and left me unglued, gone so young at 62.

The jokes and stories you grew up with, so much you’d tell,

Momma, I miss your eyes,

your nails your toes,

your smell.

Although I know loving me was hard, Daddy made it so,

You too had your own traumas, from a life of sorrows.

But I thank you with every fiber of my being,

that you told me that you loved me,

before you had to go,

for Love has such deep meaning.

Momma, Mom, Mom-me-e-e-e!!!…

How my heart yearns for you so,

My kisses, love, care & heart told you though.

It took me a year after you left, to cry…Did you know?

The loss of time, that causes for mother and daughter, parents &

children to bond was something reborn and made us as one.

It erased the chaotic loss, hurt & stress,

Forever grateful we had one another at your end,

I felt so blessed.

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Tickled toes & painted nails, chipmunk cheeks – eating fruit & telling tales.

I miss you, my love, my dear,

my heart was never ready for us to part.

I miss you my sweet-cheeks my darling baby-girl, my sweetheart.

I do not cry like before as days go by,

But my heart still aches for you, my Soul, sometimes it sighs.

But I learned how to ride the tidal wave of acceptance,

smooth & high.

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I Love You Momma, each, and every day, I cried by her side,

She looked at me, from one eye…

She said, “Girl, I’m leaving this place. You better lift-up your head & stay

Positive!”

You reminded me that Life goes on

&

I still had to live.

I Love You Momma, what more can I say?

I feel you watching, as we laugh and go on,

Your celestial travels, near and beyond.

I feel your love,

your presence your loving vibe…

I wish I could hold you,

kiss you,

look into your eyes.

I remember all the things you said to me,

As if it were yesterday.

I Love You Hyacinth “Precious” Williams in every single way.

I Love You, Momma, wait for me…

I’ll see you again one day.

Momma remember it’s true,

I Love You Baby-girl,

Happy Existence to you!

*Inspired by my Mothers transcending (from breast cancer),

3months before her 63rd birthday (2008).

 

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I had the opportunity to care for my Mother, while she was dying from Breast Cancer.

My Mom was a dynamic force in my life.

She NEVER GAVE UP!

Lol, these words & the word “Can’t” was simply not acceptable to her. She was something else, lol!

She came from Jamaica, West Indies to the United States of America (leaving two young children; my older brother & sister behind with family), scrubbing floors. Her life in Jamaica was one of poverty and pain. My mother saved her monies, did all proper, necessary & legal paperwork, and came to America, in hopes of a better life for herself, her children & family.

 

She eventually progressed, doing cashiering & waitressing in a coffee shop in Manhattan, went to night school to earn her GED (General Equivalency Diploma/High School Equivalency), went on to achieve her CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) – LPN (Licensed Practical Nurse), met my father, and legally sponsored 3 of her siblings from Jamaica to America as well, received her – RN (Registered Nurse) License, receiving 2 Bachelor’s Degrees, her Master’s Degree, & was working on her Ph.D. (doctorates degree) when illness caught up with her.

 

My Mom was always writing poetry, drawing, painting, singing (she had such a strong & powerful voice, but sadly & painfully, she was tone deaf as heck, lol!) whenever she had a spare moment, which wasn’t often. She was an activist of sorts as well. We grew up glued to Bill Noble & his show, “Like It is.” My Mom had a bad taste of poverty in her mouth. She spoke of it often, since it was her life & ours. She published her own book of poetry; “The Unlimited Mind” 1983, started her own publishing company; Viceroy Productions (Yes, she had this name originally), and even produced her own record, “Hell in the Ghetto.” I can remember the joy & pride I felt, hearing my Mothers song being played on the local Caribbean radio station at the time, WLIB & by Strackers Record Shop on Fulton Avenue in Brooklyn, NY.; Once a huge venue for Jamaicans & fellow Caribbeans.  She co-founded, “The Universal Black Writer Magazine”- which sadly is no longer in existence. I was used to my Mom, performing at poetry recitals, activist functions, creating, writing, having debates & ciphers with some really intellectual minds, developing and simply full of an energetic force that would at times, simply leave me in awe. Boy, could she hold her own in a debate! She fascinated me! How was is possible, that one woman could be so AMAZING? I was stupified & honored when she had me perform one of her pieces called, “The Propella.” I was 12 years old & scared silly, as I never liked being in the limelight. We performed at a poetry recital at an arts building named “The Muse” located in Bedford Stuyvesant (Brooklyn, NY) at the time. It was a place of performing arts. They taught all kinds of things; music, learning to play instruments; I learned to play the drums, my sister learned the guitar, & my brother took up karate, poetry, writing, acting classes, etc. I recall it had a huge live snake, in a glass case in the entrance hall on the main floor. We lived around the corner from there. Up the block from the infamous Shirley Chisolm, on St. Johns Place. I recall standing outside Ms. Chisolm’s home at the bus stop across the street, knowing who she was and just fascinated. I’d stare up at her window, hoping to see her, but never did, lol! I would talk about this with my Mom and she would laugh at my enthusiasm. But I was caught up in the world of poetry because I was created & born into it. I thank my Mother for this precious gift & so much more.

 

My Mother was a hard woman, firm in her beliefs & convictions. She pushed us just as hard to excel in school. If I got less than 100%? I knew it wasn’t acceptable. I can recall in 8th grade I got a 98% on a test. I knew that wasn’t going to fly with my Mother. So, I looked the test over carefully to see what my mistake was exactly. I found that it was a two-part answer. You know what I did? I went right back to my teacher, argued my point and made her change my grade to 100%. “My Momma don’t play that” & neither did I, lol! Every week, we did 20-30 vocabulary words. My siblings & I had to write them, spell them, use them in a sentence, and recite them to her from memory. My siblings hated it, but me? I loved it! It was like brain food and I was starving, lol!. When my siblings stopped doing it eventually, because Mom became too busy working 2 jobs & teaching – yes, she was a licensed teacher as well, I kept going. I did the entire dictionary and started in on the encyclopedias, after that, it was my Mother’s Nursing Books, bored I went straight to Brooklyn Public Library (Grand Army Plaza). She encouraged my hungry mind with a fierceness, lol! That was Mom.

  

The flipside to this was…Mom also suffered from Paranoid Schizophrenia, Depression, went through Domestic Violence (DV) with my father & others and didn’t really know the concept of love until she was leaving this earth. As her children, we suffered. When she broke, so did we. Mommy was all my siblings & I had…

 

I hated my Mother for years. I was angry that she didn’t protect me from the abuse & had abused me as well. I couldn’t comprehend what happened to her? How did she come to hate my siblings & I so much? This set the pattern for my life. It was HELL. However, it also set me on the path that I am still on and will forever remain. That path is LOVE. I had so little of it, my own Mother was lacking it, my father was worse, so it set me on a mission to find out what was wrong & where did the love go??? It was not always a fun journey, discovery, or experience.

  

I learned how to love myself. It took time & pain. But worth the effort. This enabled me to love my Mother more than I thought ever possible. I relived her life, walked in her shoes, blended my footprints with hers, I even repeated some of her mistakes…I felt her pain and saw that in order to live, feel, be free and to love again, I had to overstand and forgive her. It wasn’t difficult to do at first. But when I knew what caused my Mother to be who she was. I knew she did the best she could, and not only do I love her, I’m very proud of who she was on this earth.

 

My Mother fought Cancer with a vengeance, but sadly, she started her fight too late. She felt she had nothing to live for, no one cared, and living was more painful to her than dying. She was also haunted by the mistakes she made in life. For 5 years, although a Registered Nurse, she refused care or treatments of any kind. When I found her, she was in poor shape. Her process of care was swift. It was during this time of illness and dying that the old Jamaican saying I was brought up with rang truest, “Once a man but twice a child.” My Mom became my baby. So, I would call her my “Baby-Girl” every time I saw and spoke to her. She loved it, lol! I’d sing to her and bring her roses as they too were her favorite flower.

 

My Mom? She always taught my siblings & I, that no matter what? Never Give Up. Ask questions, learn the truth, expand your mind, seek answers for yourself. These things still ring true and are a part of who I am…an “Unlimited Mind.”

 

I still talk to my Mommy, yes, no shame in it or for calling her Mommy as a grown woman, lol! That’s who she is & will always be, My Baby-Girl. I recall the pain with knowledge instead of grief, I revel in the love we shared, I gleam for her existence, for without her, there would be, no me…

 

“Happy Existence Mommy…I Love You.”

 

“We’re In This Thing Called Life, TOGETHER…Remember?”

 

“Namaste & One Love” ❤️💛💚

https://youtu.be/tap90z44WR8

https://youtu.be/Mb1ZvUDvLDY

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