“I Cursed Him”~Maxwanette A Poetess

icursedhim

I Cursed Him

The man that helped cause,

the very creation of my birth…

I cursed him, with the remnant breath of his existence.

See, he bragged & began to revel in the dirt,

regarding the beatings that he gave my Mother, that hurt.

I became the verbal reflection of his crude actions.

What I wanted to do, was to place my hands around his neck,

squeezing until he welcomed death, plastering his remorseless smirk,

upon the wall of damned eternity, for the pain, he caused my Mother.

“A-R-R-RAH-H-H!!!”

A child’s flashback, when everything went black,

flooding memories of Mommy’s busted lip,

the pain in her hip from his kicks,

the sighs, as make-up, could no longer cover the eyes,

that were constantly black & blue…

Instead, I gathered my strength,

grabbing hold of my tempers tailspin,

From the depths of my Mother’s womb,

searing from my Ancestors tombs…

I cursed him,

&

for me, he is no more.

I AM FREE.

~Maxwanette A Poetess

 

*Child Abuse & Domestic Violence (DV) are very damaging experiences. They can follow one through adulthood & their entire life. These are causes that are very personal to me & hold a special spot in my heart. As a society, we must do more. Abused children can very easily become abused & fractured adults, which flows over into a very hellish existence. One of the most important things to remember is that you’re not alone & there are resources available.

“Namastè & One Love” ❤️💛💚

 

National Child Abuse Hotline 1(800)4-A-Child or 1(800)422-4453

https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/

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National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 

http://www.thehotline.org/

Domestic Violence

Child Abuse Can Affect You As An Adult

Don’t Be Ashamed…GET HELP!

Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse GET HELP 24/7: 800.656.HOPE (4673)

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https://www.rainn.org/articles/adult-survivors-child-sexual-abuse

https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/effects-child-abuse-and-neglect-adult-survivors

 

https://www.havoca.org/effects-child-abuse-neglect-adult-survivors/

 

 

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“True Colors” by~Maxwanette A Poetess

truecolors

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s learning to dance in the rain” ~Anonymous

{Picture derived from Pinterest)

True Colors

You talked, you smiled…

Knowing all the while,

The mission, in which you set for yourself.

 

You glided, you moved,

Fully aware of the grooves,

That only your presence could possibly make.

 

You laughed, vibed on a whole,

Showing calmness & lack of control,

As you exposed the realness, of your lost Soul.

 

Putting aside, all that gleamed,

Expressing what you really mean

Robbing your essence, your very presence, of who you’re created to be.

 

I looked out, through the rain,

As your Soul begged to dance again.

But you hardened your ears to the rhythm.

 

Selling yourself to the highest bidder,

Not even leaving, a miniscule sliver,

Of the magnificence that once, was you.

 

I stand in the rain…all alone,

Closing my eyes, feeling my way home…

“I Dance!”

© Maxwanette A Poetess {a.k.a. M.A.M.}, All Rights Reserved.

 

“Never Meant”

nevermeant

(Picture taken at the Gulf Coast of Mississippi)

Never Meant

I love you, but I see,

That you & I were never meant to be.

I’m not angry, hurt nor upset,

Gone from me are past regrets.

I no longer desire you in my space,

It’s simply time for me to change the pace.

We have a forever bond, the kind that never ends,

A special connection & “We’ll always be friends.”

By the time you see, that I’m talking to you,

There will be nothing more that you can do.

I’ll already have shifted & moved on,

Goodbye, old heart – The memory of pain is gone.

© Maxwanette A Poetess (a.k.a. M.A.M.) All Rights Reserved.

 

“But, You Don’t Know Me”

butyoudontknowme

But, You Don’t Know Me

You speak with me, every day.

Laying with me, in my private space.

Seeing the expressions, messages relayed,

Clearly displayed upon my face.

 

 

Responding with ignorance & a negative tongue,

As you demand to be heard, ALWAYS right NEVER wrong.

Forgetting the reflective connection, that made us one.

The binding love, unraveling, becoming undone.

 

 

Like a swimmer, drowning & gasping for air,

Arrogance, ego, dance with fear,

Pushing further away, what should be near.

Depleting the bond…In comes the coldness, the land of no cares,

 

 

All that you are, all that you see,

Designed & created…Simplicity.

You fight against self,

As I am the You, that You want to be…

But, You Don’t Know Me.

*It is amazing how at times, when in conflict or at odds with another, we miss the bigger picture. It starts with Self. One may want to start with looking at what type of reflection they’re casting. To know others, one must know themselves. 

© Maxwanette A Poetess, All Rights Reserved.

 

“HOW?”

how

(Picture derived from Bing)

How?…

How did you become this beast?

So unrecognizable, that the sight of you makes one wonder.

When did you lose, trade, sell or give away,

The essence of yourself?

 

Ravages & damaged seedlings,

Cling to the reality of your brutality.

Who are you? Are you even human… Anymore? What have you become?

Caught within the special hell, that you are now sweating in.

 

Oh, I knew you once…Remember?

When your skin was so smooth, eyes shined bright.

Your dimpled smile made the stars ever so envious.

I knew you before your heart died and your Soul seeped out.

 

You are still loved, yet you reject it,

As it falls to the floor, as you hate yourself for the actions you committed.

Paling in comparison to the chaotic corruption that you’ve become.

Lack of compassion now mirrored in the pool of false tears.

 

I remember when you were eager to live,

Now, how you wish you could die…

How does one become so undone?

I miss you.

*Inspired by the damages done to people going through substance abuse, as it affects their loved ones and friends as well.

By~Maxwanette A Poetess

 

 

how2 

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse

Address: 633 3rd Ave, New York, NY 10017

Phone: (212) 841-5200

 

“No One Knew”

nooneknew

(Picture derived from Google)

No One Knew

No one knew the pain,

She was taught not to cry.

Reared to keep moving as time went by.

Forced~Riped & no longer an innocent child.

 

Molded into chaos and angry at the world,

No one knew the pain, of the baby inside the girl.

Forced to be a mother before ever growing & knowing of self.

No surprise when she cracked…But no one knew the pain she felt.

 

Putting on the mask,

Moving throughout the Universe.

She did what she had to do,

Her children came first.

 

Touched by others, who felt the power that she held,

But so many hungry & lost Souls,

Damaging her for themselves.

 

Ripping at her Soul & tearing at her flesh,

Devouring what they could, while hoping for her death.

No one knew her pain as she fought for each breath.

As her Soul now soars, no more pain to be dispensed.

 

Light & electrifying, she floats through the parallels,

Touching mankind, to remind them, where love dwells.

And no one knew the pain.

By~Maxwanette A Poetess

 

*”I’m Not Dying With You…”

imnotdyingwithyou

“I’m Not Dying With You…”

Through this life and many others…

I tried with you, I cried with you,

Walked through the storm & died with you…Not anymore.

 

Taking the brunt, of the defunct beat

In which, you choose to dance, never once caring of the souls you cut.

As you were busy, bleeding from your self-inflicted injuries,

I bled with you, but…Not anymore.

 

Leaving you in your self-designed, blood filled pit,

Suffocating from the pressure, from self and others.

As you have blindly & ignorantly cast aside the Love-Preserver,

Created to assist you in this existence…Not anymore.

 

I love you, yet the “time” has come,

New worlds & lives have already begun.

My job here? It’s already been done.

I’m not dying here with you…Not anymore.

*Inspired by new beginnings and views in this life. At times, one must leave others behind as they elevate and change. It becomes a selfish act, as the need & want to survive and move on becomes so great it simply cannot be denied…Not anymore 

By: MAXWANETTE A POETESS